Buddhist Recovery Network book review

• introduction
• the turning point
• kawau island
• depression
• limbo
• death ... and life
• recovery
• childhood
• boarding school
• university
• career
• becoming a family doctor
• the family doctor
• treatment
• lighter moments
• death
• finding the way
• the discovery of compassion
• opening the heart
• alone
• testing the water
• the family within

(From the manuscript)

“So continued the triumphs, anxieties and agonies of part-time obstetrics for some fifteen years. The spectre of alcohol crept ever nearer. Once, incredibly only once, having staggered and fallen as I struggled to my feet to attend an unexpected delivery, I lay on the floor hearing my wife’s voice, “My husband is not well enough to come. Can you call the emergency doctor?” Then the axe fell. I woke one morning with the usual thick head, dry mouth and dread, to find my night call clothes on the floor. I had not been on emergency duty for the practice. It must have been a delivery, but who? and where? Was yesterday the day They Found Out? Were They waiting to tell me? I was accustomed to evening ‘black-outs’, times when I was apparently behaving normally but had no memory of what had happened. I must have been out to a delivery in a black-out. Some frantic detective work confirmed not only had I done just that, but that I had conducted a difficult delivery impeccably. I could not live any longer like this, so I just stopped drinking – but that is part of another chapter. What is relevant here is that, having continued for another two or three years attending deliveries, I decided that I had done enough of what was really young man’s (or woman’s) work and awarded myself an honourable discharge.” (pp. 63 to 64 draft manuscript)

“Reflections at the beginning of a long retreat: Never have the battle lines been so clearly marked. On one side is Ego, with his forces of habit, utility and addictive activity; on the other, Tara, embodying all three Jewels and leading a company of all qualities of true value. Right now it’s a stand-off. Ego has the field; Tara waits for him to defeat himself.” (p. 155 draft manuscript)

© 2005, 2006 Taranatha

Paul
This is the story of a New Zealand GP (doctor), whose battles with depression and alcoholism in middle age lead (over time) to the uncompromising pursuit of the Buddhist life. This review is based on a draft manuscript received prior to its publication by Windhorse Publications in August 2006. Naturally there will be changes between the manuscript I have reviewed and the finished book. Taranatha is something of an “elder statesman” within the Western Buddhist Order, and his poetic, Antipodean voice makes this book a unique and welcome addition to the ‘Buddhism and addiction’ genre. Alcoholism doesn’t dominate his story, it is more like a chapter, though he writes with great candour about his experiences (see the excerpt below). The early sections of the book are memorable for their shimmering, dreamy images, sometimes fragmented, but always evocative. His background as a GP leads to interesting discussions on topics such as health, happiness, healing and death. He clearly harbours a poetic side, which was repressed in the utilitarian, pragmatic, emotionally-repressed environment in which he was brought up. The book is partly the story of his poetic side blossoming as he matures. The second half of the book is dominated by his exploration of sub-personalities and the use of mythical archetypes in Buddhist practice. Whether you consider these discussions weird or fascinating will depend on where you are at with this sort of practice. They are widely practised within the Western Buddhist Order (if you are familiar with Joseph Campbell’s work, this may provide some perspective). As Taranatha writes, “what matters is that this form of practice works for me”. It is about “rituals to fan the embers of devotion… into a living flame whose energy carries me forward in my quest.” Being in the ordination process myself for the Western Buddhist Order, I might be too close to the Order for my account of the book to be representative of the average reader. However, the practices, language and sayings should resonate with any Buddhist eg Sangharakshita’s comment that we are “a bundle of habits loosely tied together with a name and an address”. I should also make clear that Taranatha’s explanation of Buddhist doctrines is usually clear and accessible. He makes great use of simple but effective sayings and formulations such as “All misery comes from trying to make permanent that which is impermanent.”

A note on Rebirth:
This book takes a traditional Buddhist perspective on rebirth. With regards to people new to Buddhism who may have problems with rebirth, I should state that I am agnostic on the subject. In the ‘ehipassiko’ / ‘come and see for yourself’ tradition of Buddhism, as this lies outside my direct experience, I can only bracket it, and work around it. I also believe that we should ultimately pursue the Buddhist path because we believe this to be the best way to lead our lives, irrespective of any ‘karmic jackpot’ at the end. This is a position that Buddhist writers such as Stephen Batchelor have developed further. So if you don’t believe in rebirth, this needn’t be a terminal issue with regards to engaging with Buddhism and books like this.

Michael
Like some of the other autobiographies listed here at Buddhist Recovery, Taranatha touches only briefly on his direct experience of alcoholism. However he speaks at length on a number of indirect areas which I believe would be valuable for many in recovery, and his story as a whole is both uplifting and inspirational. The first of the areas that I believe will have resonance with many in recovery is his personal battle over the years with depression. Whilst there are those of us who may have not struggled with this affliction from at least a clinical standpoint, I believe that there are few in recovery who could honestly state that they have not at least been touched by it at some stage of their active addiction, if not indeed their recovery. With the combination of Taranatha’s potent description of his struggle with depression, and to some degree his understanding as a Doctor, we are provided a powerful example of both identification and especially hope as he is gradually able to move beyond its grasp. The other area he touches on that I believe could have lessons to those of us in recovery is, as described by Paul already, his exploration of sub-personalities within Buddhist practice. Even if you remain skeptical or agnostic about mythical archetypes and aspects of this practice from the Buddhist standpoint, from a purely psychological point of view I believe this practice could be quite valuable. It reminds me of one of those many sayings in recovery that often contain quite a profound truth: name it, and you can tame it. Usually of course this is in reference to the addiction itself, but I believe that it can also work equally well for those inner demons and characteristics that make up part of who we are. In the fourth and fifth step of the 12-step program we are given a practical way to identify character defects and traits that have played out throughout our lives. It seems to me that if we could apply this practice in conjunction to these aspects of ourselves, naming them and giving them their own identities, with further understanding and interaction it could provide a practical way to allow us to better integrate ourselves as whole and happy individuals. Rather than trying to suppress these often negative aspects of ourselves, we could instead embrace them and allow ourselves the increased exploration and understanding that will gradually lead us to move beyond the grosser version of them. For all these reasons I believe that Taranatha’s book is a valuable addition to the list of titles here at the website. This is made even more so for me because, like Paul, as someone in the ordination process for the Western Buddhist Order, it’s great to finally read a publication that has come out of my own Buddhist tradition. Nonetheless, I too firmly believe this title has lessons that are valuable and immediately accessible to all.